Burdens?

I've been carrying a lot of burden in my hearts, I give myself a lot of pressure, I set myself a target, I want to achieve the target, I want to shine in Kampar for Jesus, I want to be role model, I'm afraid of losing. Now I seldom got chance to go to church, I'm scared, I scared I'll backslide, I felt I'm far away from God, I often felt lonely...deep in my heart I find no one to talk to. I felt I'm like a hypocrite, in front of people I'm happy, but when no one around me I'll think a lot of stuff, I doesn't show the real me to people, I kept all the things to myself. I just don't know how to express myself, haihz....

Yesterday David Oh was giving altar call, I felt he is talking about me, I want to response to the altar call, but I just don't have the guts to do it. God I'm scared, I don't know what to do, I really want a close relationship with You, I often forgot and lazy to read bible and pray, God, sent your Spirit to always remind me to read Your Word and pray, I want to discipline myself. God, help me.

In Hebrews 12: 1 - 13, as You say, lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.......make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed. God, I want to hear from You, I'm lost, guide me Lord....I need You, God.