1 year

18th September 2017

Time flies, its been a year since things happened. Looked back the trip, I'm amazed how I been through the 3 days 2 night with you. The feelings of being betrayed, have to kept it all to myself, never felt so alone in my life, got no one to talk to, wander around the island at night by my own, sat by the beach cry out silently by myself, thinking how to sort things out.

I felt so helpless, wanted to cry out loud but I don't want to draw attention. wanted to leave the island immediately but I couldn't be so selfish and irresponsible. I can only call Jo to let it out. It was so pain, I remembered I almost lost my breath. That night, the moon was big and round, the light shine on the beach, so beautifully. So many couple went out for a walk, by looking at them, it hurt me even more. That man I thought I will spend the rest of my life with, he talked about marriage with another girl.

I don't know how I made it for the trip, how can I kept it all by myself, pretend nothing happened and go snorkeling with you the next day. I even hold it til you finished your basketball tournament, I'm so afraid if I confronted you earlier, it will affect your performance. Even until the last moment, I still cared for you.

I find myself stupid, gave it all to you and what I get in return is accusation. Telling the third person I'm the girlfriend, turns out it became my fault, I still have to beg for your forgiveness for doing this, what stupid nonsense in this?

I tried so hard to fight for the relationship, and all I got is betrayal. Have you ever stand at my side to think for me? I'm the victim, not that f*cking b*tch. Are you that naive to believe that before she step into the relationship with you she doesn't know my existence? F*ck you, if she really don't know, I will chop off my head for you.

It's painful to even think back what you did. I kept telling myself it's over, I'm okay. The truth is I'm NOT OKAY. The memories of  us kept flashing back, as much as I wanna move on, You keep appearing in my dream. Telling me how sorry you are, and trying to fix the relationship.

Remember there is once I told you that I dreamt that you left me for a malay girl? That time you told me is all bull shit. My dream came real, you did it.

Thanks for breaking my heart. Thanks for constantly reminding me how painful it is to find out the truth. I could wish you best in everything but not that f*cking b*tch. Hope you just fell down and lost your f*cking baby, or when you do your final check up, then realize your baby died of strangling by the uterus, and you will have to go through the labor pain and born a dead fetus. Yes I am cruel. F*CK YOU B*TCH!